Bear with me in this post. I usually write to express what's going on inside of me. In this case, I'm trying to figure out exactly what that is.
So, if I'm being honest, I have to say that I question whether God alone is enough for me. You know, just Him...not what He can do for me. Is the fact that Jesus died for me because He loves me enough for me? The answer my head and heart both know is yes. But sometimes I allow my circumstances or my feelings to dictate otherwise. And it's always a particular set of circumstances and feelings that lead me to question whether He alone is enough.
There are two things that I believe make me, me. And, when I don't get to or don't have time to do those two things, I start to question. Truthfully, those last two sentences are probably not even valid. What makes me, me is that I'm a child of God. That's all that should really matter. That should dictate everything about me. Having that relationship should automatically remind me that God alone is enough. But sometimes I struggle with remembering that. I sometimes want to see His hand move. I want signs and wonders. And when God is still and/or silent with me, I question. I get frustrated. I eventually make it back around to remembering what He's done for me, and that is enough to make me run to Him, knowing that if He never does another thing for me, He still loves me.
I think that's okay...because I think there are many people who need to know that. There are so many hurting people...people who question, many of which don't have a relationship with God. I think they need to know that Christians aren't perfect...that we don't have it all together. They need to know that I mess up, I question, I struggle, I sin; but even through all of that, I know that God loves me. And in my heart and mind, I know that when my circumstances fail, and when my feelings falter, God alone is enough for me.
Sheesh! I'm not even sure I can wrap my head around this post. Too much...and still too little.
I tried leaving a comment but then I lost it.
ReplyDeleteI think I understand - thanks for writing.
God is always enough, but we are made uniquely too. So just like breathing, sometimes we feel compelled to do the things that make us unique, especially when our minds are in a knot and need untangling. We write because we cannot not write. And that's because we were made in such a way to do it. Perhaps, writing, singing, etc. is just an expression of the fact that He alone is enough even when at times we feel like we need more than Him.