I've lived without life for a long time. I didn't even realize it. In Waking The Dead, John Eldredge says, We need to drink in beauty wherever we can get it--in music, in nature, in art, in a great meal shared. These are all gifts to us from God's generous heart. Friends, those things are not decorations to a life; they bring us life. (p. 214)
I've spent years going through the motions. Last October I decided to make a change. At the time, I had no idea how significant that decision would come to be. I decided to start and finish something. November and December were filled with turmoil, and I wanted to quit. But January rolled around with renewed purpose and more changes. In January, I learned to persevere, and for the first time in my life, I found an inner strength I didn't know I had. I finally felt a spark of life. By the time February was over, I knew what it felt like to be fully alive!
Since then, I've been overwhelmed with life...being alive! God is reminding me of the things that make me feel alive and is giving me opportunities to put them to use:
I've always loved music and loved to sing. I'm one of those annoying people who sings along to every song on the radio. However, over the past few years, I'd gotten to the point that I was pretty much only singing on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings in church choir. Honestly, I sometimes didn't even enjoy that. But over the last couple of months, God has used the talent of an amazing friend to give me songs to sing that speak my heart. Along the way, I get to write here on my blog, and even write some for the music project.
I continue to run. What started out several years ago as a torturous activity to drop a few pounds has become my favorite hobby! When I let several days pass without running, I miss it and feel like the walking dead. When I finally do run again, I feel life coursing through my veins. God has used running to teach me endurance and perseverance and to show me a strength I didn't know existed inside me.
Now that I have life, I realize how desperately I needed it. I hope I never allow myself to quit drinking in the beauty. I never want to be that parched and thirsty again.