Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Amidst A Battle

Spiritual warfare is a term that is kind of foreign to me. I mean, I've heard all about it, read about it. But, not sure I've ever really experienced it; at least, not that I was aware of. However, I'm pretty sure I'm in the midst of it now.

The level of intimacy I've had with God over the last several months has been like never before in my life. My relationship with Him is more personal than ever. Call me a holy roller, or religious freak, or whatever term people use for sold-out Christians, but He speaks to me. And I hear Him. No, not audibly...but I recognize His voice in my spirit. I've known for a while that He has been leading me to make myself available to share my testimony in a certain setting with those who need it. So, several weeks ago I made the appointment, which was scheduled for yesterday.

Since then, my family life has taken some crazy turns. Things that have never happened to Mark and me, or our children, have been happening. Scary things. Crazy things. Ridiculous things. Things that have caused me to question myself, my witness, my abilities, and whether to keep the scheduled appointment. And, on top of all that, we seem to have gotten ridiculously busy again. (I thought homeschooling meant you stayed home more?!) And, my quiet time has suddenly become not-so-quiet. I have one child who keeps getting up 5 minutes after I get up every morning.

I think the enemy is working overtime to try to destroy the intimacy between my Savior and me. I keep having to remind myself that I'm in a battle, and I must be determined to press on.

I kept the appointment yesterday. God was all over it. He calmed my nerves. He assured me I was doing what He wanted me to do. However, the insecurity rose up within me again today. The doubt, questions, and feelings of worthlessness came back. I have beat myself up over this so many times. I will not continue to do it! God has reigned victorious in my life, and the enemy has no part in this.

I think I need to set up "stones," or reminders of what God has done so when I'm in the midst of the battle, I can see the proof of how God has made beauty from ashes.


  1. As we grow closer to the Lord we can always expect Satan to work overtime to try to destroy us. I am speaking from experience. It took me MANY years to get beyond my own guilt. I no longer allow Satan to drag me back to that place. It has taken years and many hours of prayer to get here. God WILL make you stronger through this, continue to perservere!

  2. Rebekah, spiritual warfare is real, and it can be expected... especially when your relationship with God becomes so intimate. The more you live for Him, the more the enemy will attack. And those attacks come in every form imaginable... from "things" stealing your time alone with God, to children, finances, marital issues, physical battles, feelings of inadequacy, doubt, fear, the list goes on and on. I can testify to this because I have lived it countless times since I completely surrendered to God's call on my life 3 years ago.

    I am currently preparing to teach with Brenda Robinson of New Desire Christian Ministries at a youth girls retreat next weekend, a retreat that I know God has ordained and will be in the midst of; a much needed retreat for our youth. As I type this I am in day 3 of one of the most brutal attacks on my marriage and finances that I have ever experienced, not to mention health issues I battle daily since being diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis in Feb 2009. This week I have had feelings of anger, doubt, fear, you name it, and have had to really call out for God to show me that I am in the center of His will. As always, God has been faithful to provide the reassurance that I so desperately needed and I am claiming victory in spite of my circumstances.

    I have learned to suit up in my armor everyday so that I can stand against the wiles of the devil. I will be praying for you as you continue to follow God's plan for your life.

    You and I should meet for lunch one day soon and do some catching up. It sounds like both of us have fallen so deeply in love with Jesus since the last time we saw each other!

    Keep fighting, sister, the victory is yours for the claiming!

    Angie S. Gentry

  3. Keep putting on God's armor (Eph 6 is a fairly comprehensive listing) and you will keep growing, even as you recognize your enemy and his tactics. He always was there and you've always been in battle. It's nothing new for you. You've just become a bigger target for Satan.

    I'm so proud to see your commitment to obey Christ. It's not easy, but it's well worth it. It's worth all the darts of Satan in this life, and we have an even greater life coming. Stay strong, sweet sister!

  4. Funny you should write about this tonight. We had a guest pastor speak tonight at church and he spoke on this same thing. He talked about the storms we go through in life and not to doubt during the storms what was spoken to you by the Saviour in the light. He went on the talk about how we need to keep our eyes on Jesus in order to be able to share our storm stories with those that need it-to keep our door opened.

    Spiritual warfare is a very real thing. We just had a family member go through it. It is not a fun thing to have to do, but it is so worth it in the end. Keep pressing through. You will be so glad you did.

    We would like to get together again soon if y'all would.