Spiritual warfare is a term that is kind of foreign to me. I mean, I've heard all about it, read about it. But, not sure I've ever really experienced it; at least, not that I was aware of. However, I'm pretty sure I'm in the midst of it now.
The level of intimacy I've had with God over the last several months has been like never before in my life. My relationship with Him is more personal than ever. Call me a holy roller, or religious freak, or whatever term people use for sold-out Christians, but He speaks to me. And I hear Him. No, not audibly...but I recognize His voice in my spirit. I've known for a while that He has been leading me to make myself available to share my testimony in a certain setting with those who need it. So, several weeks ago I made the appointment, which was scheduled for yesterday.
Since then, my family life has taken some crazy turns. Things that have never happened to Mark and me, or our children, have been happening. Scary things. Crazy things. Ridiculous things. Things that have caused me to question myself, my witness, my abilities, and whether to keep the scheduled appointment. And, on top of all that, we seem to have gotten ridiculously busy again. (I thought homeschooling meant you stayed home more?!) And, my quiet time has suddenly become not-so-quiet. I have one child who keeps getting up 5 minutes after I get up every morning.
I think the enemy is working overtime to try to destroy the intimacy between my Savior and me. I keep having to remind myself that I'm in a battle, and I must be determined to press on.
I kept the appointment yesterday. God was all over it. He calmed my nerves. He assured me I was doing what He wanted me to do. However, the insecurity rose up within me again today. The doubt, questions, and feelings of worthlessness came back. I have beat myself up over this so many times. I will not continue to do it! God has reigned victorious in my life, and the enemy has no part in this.
I think I need to set up "stones," or reminders of what God has done so when I'm in the midst of the battle, I can see the proof of how God has made beauty from ashes.