Seven years old was much too young to start keeping such heavy secrets. But I was scared. And I remember being told that bad things would happen if I said anything to anyone. But I did anyway. I told a friend at school. And I was immediately fearful; so I told her that it wasn't real...it had only been a dream.
The next big secret came when I was ten years old. No one could know. In fact, stories...lies...were formed to conceal the secret. I think I told anyway...I can't remember for sure. While some memories about that time are vivid, others are blurry. It was a life-changing secret.
From there, the secrets piled on. By my teenage years, I was keeping my own secrets....of things I did, thoughts I had, questions that plagued me.
By the time I became an adult, secrecy was a way of life. I had learned to keep things to myself, and wear a smile. I buried emotions. As long as no one knew the real me, life could carry on. I was convinced that if secrets were exposed, life would shatter before my eyes.
Little did I know that telling my secrets...the truth...in a safe setting would set me free to finally live. It was finally okay to put a voice to my life.
Justin and Trisha Davis of Refineus.org shared their hearts on this topic last weekend. I watched the video yesterday, and highly recommend you do too. To watch, click here.
Thanks for sharing this - love you, friend!
ReplyDeleteAh yes... Secrets. I truley believe we all have something that no one knows. I think it's okay to turn it totally over the the Lord and then forget about it. Yes, sometimes I think it would be nice to tell someone... But, with people you have to deal with judgment... but with the Lord we experience mercy and grace! Hugs
ReplyDeleteoh yes I think the secrets we held on to had the power to make us sick. What is that saying? (you are as sick as your secrets)
ReplyDeleteThe power of words, to never tell or to tell and never be heard or to be heard and not validated. ALL have the potential to deepen the secret and wounded heart.
You were not the bad child. You were hurt and it was wrong~ I am sorry.
It's amazing the hurt we allow to fester when the light of day is the best disinfectant. Being on the other side after healing, it's so easy to see and say "Come into the light!" and so hard to recall the fear of exposure. That fear or being known piles sin upon sin until we can't be sure we're worthy of healing... or that it even exists. We reject true compassion while lamenting that there is no love available.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found a way out and came to understand that light and truth are healing and being "real" is more freeing than the false compassion we search for that prevent vulnerability. "By His wounds we are healed" and "there is no condemnation for those in Christ," so we can "walk in a manner worthy of our calling" speaking of how healing comes and what true love brings without fear even when we have to face ugliness, including our own!! It's so exciting to see how faithful God is to each of us!