Lately I'm thinking a lot about humility. I can be slap-dab in the middle of doing something, and I'll find myself wondering if I'm doing it with an attitude of humility or pride. I've always struggled with pride, but didn't realize it until four years ago.
My pride was centered around church, more specifically, making sure I looked as good as all the other people in church. I was there every time the doors were open, I volunteered, I pointed out other people's sins. It makes my stomach churn right now just thinking about it.
What I wasn't doing was making sure my attitude was one of humility.
Being a Christian has come to mean something totally different to me over the past four years. It no longer means putting on a good show and smile at church. It no longer means I have to be everybody else's judge and jury. It no longer means that I have to beat a dead horse in a debate so that someone else will see that I'm right.
Being a Christian means I am more concerned with my heart attitude...what's on the inside...than I am with appearance. And my heart attitude needs to be one of humility. I want more than anything to share the love and freedom found in God's grace; but sometimes the me-me-me, I-I-I emerges out of me, and an opportunity is lost before I even realize it.
So I find that I must humble myself. The definitions of humble, used as a verb, are these:
1. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase
2. to destroy the independence, power, or will of
3. to make meek
I pray that I am actively humbling myself to the will of God. I don't want to walk independently of Him. I want Love and Grace, God Himself, to be the definition of my existence.
yes. I've been struggling with this in a new way - maybe you are too. People looking at the new you and not understanding how you got there and feeling judgmental of the new you. I worry about friends on facebook who don't know me - the real me now. How do I affect them? Sometimes I fear the difficulty of using true concern and humility on the social media sites. So I pray for humility as I go to the internet. To know what to say and do. Ay yi yi! Lord, help me be an encouragement - to build up and not tear down around me.
ReplyDeleteVery well said!! Our life is in Christ and we're to be showing Him, not some version of Him that we've made up. I've struggled in this area as well. There was a turning point for me when I began to truly know God instead of gossiping about him. My entire mindset and actions have changed to be humble to Him and to always care about others.
ReplyDeleteSadly, many don't want to be cared for and I find that humility doesn't always make a difference in relationship. Many are looking for a way to justify their sin and will use their wrong definition of compassion/humility as a weapon. Some don't want to be vulnerable no matter how safe you make it for them to be. They aren't ready to accept humility, grace, love, or kindness unless it comes with a license to sin.
But my confidence is in the Lord and His ways, not in the approval of others. I still struggle with pride at times... but more often I struggle with "have I been prideful?" when I've beaten down by someone not responsive to God. It's painful, but my "main" humility goes to Him... I can't be humble to both Him and Satan.
Elisa is right. Many don't want to be cared for. Learning that is its own dose of humility. We are not in control of even relationships. God is. He is the One responsible for changing people. It is freeing to realize that, especially when you realize the freedom you have in pleasing him and not in worrying about pleasing man. I think there is much about the ways of God that we are unable to truly understand - at least until God brings you into a greater understanding of it. Sometimes, the only way we will be humble is through pain.
ReplyDeleteI thought you might be interested in some blog posts I did about this in 2009. I'm still hoping to work on that bible study:
http://happyharperstories.blogspot.com/2009/08/brokenness.html
http://happyharperstories.blogspot.com/2009/08/am-i-proud-or-broken-person-toward.html
There are more surveys in the book that I did not outline on the blog. I think a fried posted them fully on hers. I will look for it and post if I find it.
http://shirleykurtz.blogspot.com/2009/06/proud-versus-broken-part-3-of-3.html
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