Lately I'm thinking a lot about humility. I can be slap-dab in the middle of doing something, and I'll find myself wondering if I'm doing it with an attitude of humility or pride. I've always struggled with pride, but didn't realize it until four years ago.
My pride was centered around church, more specifically, making sure I looked as good as all the other people in church. I was there every time the doors were open, I volunteered, I pointed out other people's sins. It makes my stomach churn right now just thinking about it.
What I wasn't doing was making sure my attitude was one of humility.
Being a Christian has come to mean something totally different to me over the past four years. It no longer means putting on a good show and smile at church. It no longer means I have to be everybody else's judge and jury. It no longer means that I have to beat a dead horse in a debate so that someone else will see that I'm right.
Being a Christian means I am more concerned with my heart attitude...what's on the inside...than I am with appearance. And my heart attitude needs to be one of humility. I want more than anything to share the love and freedom found in God's grace; but sometimes the me-me-me, I-I-I emerges out of me, and an opportunity is lost before I even realize it.
So I find that I must humble myself. The definitions of humble, used as a verb, are these:
1. to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase
2. to destroy the independence, power, or will of
3. to make meek
I pray that I am actively humbling myself to the will of God. I don't want to walk independently of Him. I want Love and Grace, God Himself, to be the definition of my existence.