Sunday, August 1, 2010
I'm sensing a change in seasons. I've been through several in my life: daughter, college student, young married wife, mom of babies, waste, loss and healing, just to name a few. I'm not sure what this new season holds, but I think it's leaning toward sharing my story through writing, personal conversation and singing. I have an indescribable and consuming love for Jesus. I wish I could find the words to express all that's been in my heart and mind for weeks, but there are no words to describe the overwhelming presence of being at Jesus' feet. And that is where I tend to stay lately, tears included. I sometimes wonder if I'm just an emotional mess, but I know it's much more and much different than that. My thoughts, emotions and desires all focus on one consuming passion: to glorify God in all that I do and all that my family does. I feel like I've wasted so much time with my passions elsewhere. I recently read a book that opened my eyes to a whole new way of living life: The Next Door by Melody Allred. Having been through a personal tragedy of my own making four years ago, I started to see other people's hurt, but I still didn't see them through what Melody refers to as "God goggles." Since I've started looking at people with the thought in mind that God created them and wants a relationship with them, I find myself wanting to live a life that leads others to Jesus. I also have come to realize that may include sharing about my season of waste and loss, which at this point, only a few people know about. It was a intensely tragic and painful time, but I have experienced the scandalous forgiveness and grace of a Healer and Redeemer by the sweetest name I know, Jesus. I know that without His healing power upon my life, I would be that emotional mess I mentioned above. My pastor said in this morning's sermon, "It's overwhelming when you realize that the One who knows you best loves you the most." Oh, how true! I am so humbled by His love for me. The fact that He is willing to still use me is the most delicious "icing on the cake" that I've ever tasted!