I'm a procrastinator. I'm not sure why. When I have an idea of something I'd like to do, I imagine the finished product. And, when it finally gets done, I usually enjoy the finished product and wonder why it took me so long to get around to it. I have good intentions.
For instance, I have THOUSANDS of photos that need to be scrapbooked. After we moved into our new house, I had Mark build some shelves in a spare closet, and I decorated it and put all my scrapbooking "clutter" in there. It's really a great workspace. But, I haven't scrapped the first page. I have great intentions of getting down there and getting some books finished (like the one I bought to make as a surprise for my Mom's 60th birthday...which was 7 years ago!). Yet, I never seem to make it down there.
I procrastinate. Always have. In school, I always waited til the last minute to cram for an exam. When I had babies, I thought I would eventually get them on schedules. (They are now 10, 8 & 6...we still don't live by schedules.) When we moved into our new house, I had every intention of getting the rooms painted, pictures hung and everything decorated just the way I wanted. Well, it's 3 months later, and we've partially painted one room (which we started painting 6 weeks ago); I've hung only 5 or 6 pictures; and, well, the decorating will just have to wait!
I think I procrastinate because I'm afraid. I'm fearful that I'll mess up. I'm afraid I won't like what it is I've done. So, I think if I just wait, wait, and wait some more, I'll eventually do whatever it is, perfectly. As if!!
So, today, I didn't procrastinate. I was tempted to! But, a couple of months ago, I felt God leading me to write my testimony. I did (it took me several weeks to finish...imagine that!). I knew in the writing process that He was also leading me to share my story with my pastor. Unnerving. So, today was the day to give my pastor what I'd written. Doubts crept in yesterday. What if my writing style wasn't good? What if I didn't explain things accurately and my writing was confusing? Shouldn't I just wait another week or so before giving it to him? What's the rush? So...last night I prayed: "God, tell me what to do. Should I go ahead and give him what I've written, or should I wait and edit some more?" In the next hour, God gave me the answer, not just once, but over and over: "Do what I told you to do." So...I did. With my heart pounding and my nerves on edge, I walked over and gave my story to my pastor this morning. You might not think it a big deal, but it was for me! I believe (and am a little afraid) that God is going to have me start sharing my story with more people. I don't share my story with too many people. It's not pretty...it's messy. Only, I can't change or fix the past. I can only move forward...which, for me, is a slow process.
I procrastinate. But, today, I obeyed. And, procrastination didn't win. Maybe I'll kick this procrastination thing...tomorrow.