Thursday, September 15, 2011

Confidence

She stepped up to the plate, raised the bat over her right shoulder, shimmied her feet steady into the red dirt, and waited for the ball. In that moment I thought, My eleven year old has more confidence in her pinky than I've ever had. When I was her age, I wouldn't go near a ball. I was too scared.

Last Christmas I sat on pins and needles as the pianist began to play the intro for the song in which my daughter sang a solo. Standing on ready in the red shirt I'd bought her, she stepped forward to the microphone, face a little flushed from nerves, and opened her mouth to sing with the voice of an angel. At that moment I thought, She's got more confidence than I had at that age. At ten years old, I wouldn't sing a solo in front of 50 people, much less a packed sanctuary of 1500-plus.

I guess she gets her confidence genes from her dad. He was Mr. Sports growing up, and to this day, is quite confident of his abilities and talents. I admire my daughter, and I often draw strength from my husband. But when it comes to self-confidence, I have little.

It's the reason why:

  • I write raw, honest blog posts and never click Publish
  • My knees quiver when I sing a solo
  • When another adult criticizes my children, I question my parenting skills for days
  • I dig deep for weeks when my beliefs are challenged
  • You'll rarely get an invitation into my cluttered, lived-in house
  • I stand on the scales and shake my head in disgust every morning
  • I let friendships slip away instead of pursuing them

Really, self-confidence is an ugly thing. It's focusing on self...me.

In the moments I turn my eyes on Jesus and place my confidence in Him, my world flips upside down. Suddenly, I'm focused on what He wants to accomplish through me, on what He created me to be and do, on His plans.

Maybe it's not so much a gene-thing. Maybe it's just that my girl understands her purpose for being better than I understand mine. She's aware of the talents and gifts God has given her, and she puts them in action.

Shouldn't we all be so bold?

6 comments:

  1. This post is one of those raw ones that you tend to not publish.

    This is something I struggle with as well, confidence. Easy to speak about having and getting confidence, but when it is time to actually do that thing that you talked about is where I tend to stumble.

    Thanks for this post!

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  2. You're right. I almost didn't click "Publish." :) Yep, I can relate...the doing is the hard part!

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  3. Aww - I relate on every level.

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  4. I can relate to you I had zero confidence at age 10 infact it took years to 'believe' in myself even in high school when I took first and second in state speech tournaments and choir solo awards I never felt the assessment was real. It has to come down deep within our hearts and only from a healing from the Lord.(still wouldn't sing solo's again used to sing at weddings but not anymore)

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  5. Confidence is something I've never had. Lack of confidence and fear are (sadly) my major motivators. I hate this about myself and I desperately want Him to change it.

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  6. Jamie - :)

    Sharon - why don't you sing solos anymore?

    Heather - I think we were separated at birth. Of course, that would make me much younger than I am, right? ;-)

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