I run. I run away. I look for greener grass. I've done it for as long as I can remember.
I learned at an early age to be ready to take flight at any moment. My natural response to being hurt by someone is to run. Leave. Get away as fast as possible. I bought into the lie that the next place, person, whatever would be better than the last.
Not true.
While people are different and unique, we're all the same. We all hurt, we all sin.
Somehow I learned that life was all about me...that I was different. I learned to be the victim. The thought never crossed my mind that I hurt people too. It never crossed my mind that people stuck through friendship with me when I hurt them.
The realization hit me in my early thirties: I hurt people probably as much as I feel hurt by others. That's when it hit me that many have stuck with me through situations when, if reversed, I would've run from them.
I've learned that the grass is usually not greener and prettier someplace else. I've learned that people are just people. I've learned that it's often worth it to trudge through mudiness. I've learned it's better to stay and work through a matter than to run. And I've learned that this is a hard lesson to apply when I'm prone to run...
Been thinking and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I am not a malicious person, but sometimes when you hurt you want to hurt back. People are complex and dynamic and more complicated than my simple childhood mind could comprehend. I feel as though I am just realizing how "crazy" people are. We scheme. We lie. We cheat. We cover over. We talk. We make mistakes. We hurt. We tell secrets. We keep secrets. We sin. Perhaps I will come to a place where I understand more, but realization of human-ness has hit me in the face lately. The good thing? Humans and all of the above are in the Bible for me to learn from. I have grace to set me free.
oh the lessons we learned from childhood.
ReplyDeleteTo run physically or emotionally was easy and it removed the immediate 'issues'... kind of.
Growth is when we stop running and allow God to heal those places inside that need our concern.
Good post.
yes dear those of us who were raised in the spotlight, me as a teacher's kid, do learn to run at an early age...however, our God is greater than any thing that we can imagine...His grace is sufficient....His love is limitless...my mom always has told me that if i had not behaved the way i did in the past i would not be who i am now...remember that...you are a wonderful, talented, sweet, giving Christian woman....miss you...
ReplyDeleteWell, I've started and ended my day with this. Apparently someone had a truth to share with me that makes me want to run this evening, and oh, do I want to run. But as you say it's better to stay and work through a problem than to run. So I'm trying to stay still, but I am squirming and fidgeting, wanting to run...
ReplyDelete